happy christmas y’all!!!! =)

anxious. excited. nervous. butterflies. oh, you name them. it’s all inside me right now.

i always dreamed of a prince charming when i was a little kid, but definitely, that wasn’t exactly what i found in the past few years. I thought i found one, have even fallen inlove with him – love at first sight, literary speaking. But, it wasn’t the case. there were always the questions, the thoughts, the what-ifs, what could have been, what was never and what never was really. it was, something so close and yet so far.

i always thought and dreamed of that one person. five years. five years that my heart belonged solely to him. but apparently, it’s time to grow up. it’s time, to let it all go. it doesn’t matter anymore – five is just a number. there’s a life ahead of me, for the both of us.

tomorrow, would always be different from today. maybe, it’ll help to heal it the way i know how to heal my heart this time. songs and memories are going to fade together, with the feelings, that i am slowly forgetting already. it would take time, definitely. but it doesn’t hurt to begin today.

i’m never going to know, we’re never going to know, what could have been. but perhaps, loving was what we were just both trying to do.

walk down that road, and forget everything. it’s not meant for us. we’re both never going to understand everything, but there was a reason beyond us that we’ll just have faith on. perhaps, it was there already, that ‘almost’ sensation of a moment, but it didn’t collide, for it wasn’t meant to be.

it’s time to grow up. to let go of the people and the things that only pained me. forgiving and forgetting would go side-by-side as i walk down this road. i’m happy with the people who loves me in return. i have a life ahead of me, one that no longer needs you, even just your mere memory.

it’s time to grow up. i’ll be the musician that i was meant to become.

someday, you’d be proud of me. i promise.

but maybe….

maybe, i’m just, not the one for you.

i’ve gotten up late this morning since there are no more classes today. hurrah! christmas vacation! i already have 3 invites to go somewhere today to dinner and party. hahaha. so happy. =) but i’m not quite sure which one i’d really like to go to.

been listening to highschool playlist all morning. =) needs to rethink quite a lot of things.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m not quite sure. still half thinking, half decided. But maybe, just maybe.

i don’t know what life is trying to tell me right now, i really don’t. i’m confused. i’m supposed to move forward, to move on and forget the past – everything about it. but somehow, even in dreams, it tries to hold me back, to struggle to pull me back. why?

Loving him was the best feeling and the worst thing as well. But what to do? I’m not supposed to stay there, I’m not supposed to hold on the feeling. And just when I am happy again, when I am getting better, his memories just try to shove me back into him.

sometimes, i think i’ve lost myself somewhere far and away. i think, that’ i’ve completely lost everything i’ve worked hard for many years. those five years or more. how long has it all been? and how long would it still be?

i need to forget. i need to let go completely, and i simply can’t do without what i’m doing right now. i’m sorry. =’(

i don’t mean to hurt any heart. but i just.. need this, at the moment. to move on, to get by. so that someday, i can look him in the eye and tell him that i am, no longer a kid. that i am, someone.